


Sin City

by cineraceuss



Category: TikTok - Fandom
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Boys Kissing, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Fuckbuddies, Idiots in Love, Kissing, M/M, Rough Kissing, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:54:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23105080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cineraceuss/pseuds/cineraceuss
Relationships: Jaden Hossler/ Anthony Reeves, Noen Eubanks/ Chase Hudson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

he looked up, in the mirror but his vision was blurry. it didn't matter. he knew too well the person who would've stared back at him would've only caused more tears. gosh, he was pathetic. and damn him if he wasn't aware of that.

you see, it was hard for him to even breathe. tears can choke you up, throw some disgusting snot in the mix and Noen was fully wheezing on the bathroom floor. he tried to keep it down, to not make any sound because his parents were just next door, but the uncontrollable sobs that went past his lips were a force not to be messed with. and god his heart was shuttering in a million pieces. what would they think of him if they found him crying on the bathroom floor? what if they heard him?

his family thought he was doing better. hell, even Noen thought he was doing better. he hadn't had a panic attack in so long. he had been eating and going out, even if just to sit alone on a bench.

and yeah, sure, he had been bullied at school and all that jizz, but Noen wasn't going to act like such a victim because of that. he had a loving family, a stable enough financial status and a beautiful house. he had nothing to complain about.

that's why he hated himself even more when it became kind of hard to breathe, when his back and palms started to sweat and when his whole body started to tremble. a panic attack was nothing something that should've happened to somebody like him. he told himself over and over again, there was no reason for him to be sad or... depressed. he whispered it to himself when he couldn't sleep, said it in a firm tone, staring at his reflection in the mirror when all he wanted to do was to die, yelled it at the top of his lungs when tears run like waterfalls down his cheeks and repeated it over and over again like a prayer when he had a panic attack. he hoped if he heard it just the right amount of times, the words would finally get into his stupid brain.

if it was, to be honest with himself, he was kind of aware of the fact that he skipped some meals... shit, fuck, okay, he thought he gained some weight and summer was just around the corner and with that... that stupid fucking tour was about to start and ue really didn't want to look like a fat bitch. fuck, Noen curses the day he agreed to be part of it. but his name was already on all the fucking posts and posters and everywhere you look. it seemed like the whole planet was aware he was going on tour. if he were to back out then, the amount of hate and disappointment that would cause would... not be good, to say the least.

he remembers that day exactly. he was trembling so hard his phone almost slipped out of his hands. he was fucking terrified, but his mom was there next to him, holding a hand on his thigh. he was loved and protected. he was going to be just fine, there was nothing to worry about, nobody was going to hate him. he clicked send to that acceptance email.

fuck, fuck, fuck! he was so fucking stupid. who did he think he was? he was a worthless piece of shit who deserved none of the love he was receiving. how could have he been so dumb to think he was going to be okay? he couldn't go. so many people were going to be there, looking at him, observing, dissecting him.

all the thoughts swimming around his head where numbing, confusing. suddenly, he felt dizzy and even though he was already on the floor he felt like he was falling. he puked in his toilet probably for the third time that day. he knew how he was going to feel tomorrow, it wasn't the first time this happened.

he left for the tour the next day, he then realized

he would've puked again if the only thing left in his stomach wasn't fucking air and acid.

Noen Eubanks was thoroughly fucked.

***

he had to get fucking going, but his head was spinning and his limbs refused to work. his suitcase had been sitting there, already packed in his bedroom, for days. he just- he wanted to be sure he didn't forget anything so he did it in advance. that way he would've surely remembered if anything was missing.

he took one last look at his room and let out a sigh. it was now or never...

he descended the stairs with unsure steps. god he was so fucking scared and his mind screamed "pussy" but there was nothing that could stop his fingers from trembling and fidgeting. in the kitchen, his mom was waiting for him and although she was smiling at him, Noen could sense her sadness. Noen let go of his suitcase and fell in her open arms. only there could he find a home, a place where he was safe and sound. he lifted his head from the crook of her neck and she stared at him with those grayish-green eyes, just like his own, and said

"baby, I am so proud of you. no matter where you go or what you do, you will always be my little boy" and for once Noen felt a surge of confidence run through him "I love you so, so much! never forget that" she finished placing a kiss on his forehead

the boy let out a sigh through his nose, grabbed his mom's wrist with one hand and quickly rubbed at his eyes with the other "mom, c'mon you are making me tear up!"

***

the flight to Arizona was a long one, especially with Noen's fidgeting and nervousness. he tried to sleep, God knows he did, but every time he closed his eyes, the voices in his head got louder and louder, screaming at him, calling him a failure and a pathetic boy.

he told them to shut up. they didn't listen.

***

when Noen finally stepped out of that fucking airport, the sun fully hit his face. it was so hot he considered for a moment the option of actual suicide. but as he waited for his uber, the warm rays dancing on his forearms started to feel more like a comforting hug rather than a burning touch. a small smile formed on his face without realizing it. you see, you couldn't get something like that back in Georgia, but here, in Arizona, Noen actually considered he found a bit of himself, a bit of happiness. everything was golden around him, the birds were singing outside. it was like the world was telling him it was going to be okay.

he closed his eyes for a second and let himself absorb all that was around him. his eyes were aching behind his lids like they always did when he was tired, but soon he realized it was because he cried a lot last night and his hurting eyes were heating up. they were like tiny needles, but it wasn't painful. a light breeze washed over his face, ruffling his decomposing hair and it felt like shy fingers touching his scalp.

he was woken from his trance by a loud car honking at him. his uber was there. time to deal with the real world again.

and as much as Noen wished he could stay there just a little bit more, feel happy just a little bit more, enough to prepare him for the long months ahead, he couldn't.

Noen couldn't delay the future


	2. Chapter 2

the first thing he noticed when he entered the hotel was the noticeable presence of an AC. the inside was at least 5 degrees colder than the outside. he looked around the area, but nobody caught his eyes. he cast his gaze down and dove in one of the armchairs in the lobby. he pulled his phone out, and even though there was no new notification, he had to busy his fingers with something. he swiped through the menus with nothing particular to do. finally, he decided to check again who was coming on this shit (as if he didn't already know the list by heart, including everybody's follower count).

he knew most of these people. with some of them, he chatted on the daily, but it was the first time they were going to meet him in person. that thought unsettled him. what if they thought he was too ugly or too short? Noen knew he made great efforts not to look as repealing online as he did in real life. they were probably going to hate him, consider him fucking weird. gosh, he was as tense as a wire.

"hi," he heard somebody say from above him.

the first thing he noticed was his hair. a flop of light brown locks flowing all over his forehead. it looked so fluffy, like a cloud. the second thing was his eyes. blue like ice seen from the late afternoons, but so full of warmth and love.

"Anthony Reeves," Noen said raising from his place and turning around "God, man, I'm so excited to meet you."

"it's great to meet you, too, Noen!" Anthony said and spread his arms wide. the older didn't hesitate for a second and buried himself in the other's chest.

Ant always seemed like a good guy, always throwing compliments left and right, teasing them every time one of them messed up and texted him. he was the kind of guy everybody trusted and went to when they had problems. even though it was the first time Noen saw him, he knew Anthony would do almost anything to protect him. that was just the way he was. kind.

when they parted the younger looked him up and down. Noen couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"gosh, you are even more handsome in real life!" Anthony concluded after a few more seconds of studying him

Noen's mouth fell wide open. out of all the things he could say to him, he chose this. "what-what?! Anthony, no, shut up!" he whined as he punched him in the shoulder

the boy just gave him a kind smile and hugged him again. for a second, Noen felt safe, accepted. Anthony didn't hate him, Anthony wanted only his best. that was relieving.

"did you check in already?" he asked as he sat down next to Noen on another armchair.

Noen played with the ends of his phone case "um... no. I was kind of waiting for more people to come" he said slowly

Anthony just nodded at him with that smile still on his face "okay, let's do it together then!" he offered

the other agreed and they both made their way towards the reception desk.

"hi, I'm Anthony Reeves and this is Noen Eubanks. we were wondering if our rooms were ready?" Anthony demanded politely

Noen stood at his side, satisfied with just watching.

"sure," the lady receptionist said. she seemed pretty nice, her slick back hair tied up in a neat ponytail. Noen sometimes wondered how girls did that so fast and perfect "it seems like mister Eubanks will share a room with a certain Chase Hudson and you, sir, will share a room with Jaden Hossler" she told them in a happy tone

while the boy was surprised to hear somebody call him "mister", his brain was too preoccupied with the fact he was paired with Chase fucking Hudson of all people. while from certain points of view he was quite lucky because he _knew_ Chase and he really appreciated Chase, there was also the fact that the other was _mad_ attractive. like, make you drool, will break your heart, but you will enjoy it type of attractive.

liking boys was not a topic Noen was willing to think about while in a hotel lobby because it carried a lot of emotional baggage. and, to be honest, he thought he was never going to be ready to deal with that.

he let out a sigh and he realized he had been staring at the ground for the last 5 seconds. he rose his eyes back to Anthony to see the other boy zoned out as well, a small chuckle playing at his lips.

this was truly going to be a shit show.

he plastered a smile on his face, despite how much it physically hurt.

"should we wait for the others or check out our rooms?" the older asked

Anthony finally snapped out of it and looked at him with a puzzled look. the boy was truly lost in his own universe. "why don't we head up?" he asked after a while

he nodded his head slowly and they headed for the elevators. he clenched one of his fists and held on to the hoodie sleeve crowded in his palm, then with the other one he grabbed his suitcase. although Noen didn't own so many clothes, most of them were way too big for him and they occupied a lot of space, hence his giant case. the boy looked over at Anthony's and it was significantly smaller. he gripped his sweater paw tighter. what if he packed too many things?

they finally reached their floor. Anthony stepped out first, looking around for their rooms and Noen strolled closely behind. he was going to be fine, the latter told himself. soon, he was going to be alone again and then he wouldn't have to deal with all these people and pressure. not like Anthony's presence wasn't a welcome one, don't get him wrong. it was just... humans could be hard sometimes, unpredictable. Noen preferred to spare himself the pain and anxiety. it wasn't like total isolation, but his time alone was truly valued.

he liked to look at it like a type of battery. after some times spent socialising, the powe eventually ran out and Noen needed to be alone in order for him to charge. if he was forced out of his comfort zone, he would sometimes even faint.

he was so deeply buried inside his head he zoned out during the entire tour of Ant's room. he remembers bits and pieces: two twin beds, pretty specious bathroom and- oh, look, a balcony. that was nice! he figured his own room was going to look the same. and sure enough, it did. yeah, the bathroom was a little bit smaller, but he didn't really mind.

after biding him goodbye, Anthony left to unpack. he was alone.

he collapsed on the bed closest to the windows. rays of sun filtered through the blinds and danced on his pale skin. if he stood more than 10 minutes in direct sunlight he was going to get fucking burnt. the tour hadn't even started yet and Noen was already fucking drained. he did the first thing that crossed his mind

"Ma?" he finally said when his call got answered. he tried so fucking hard not to let his voice shake.

a sigh was heard "yeah, baby, I'm right here" she said and even though he knew she was probably dead worried for him, she was speaking in a calm and worm tone.

"I'm going to be alright. right, mom?" he asked and this time there was a note of desperation in his voice he just couldn't control.

they were miles apart, in different time zones even, but Noen could _feel_ the smile that sketched on his mother's lips "you are going to be great, sweety, I promise you. everybody's going to love you"

and for once in his life, he actually believed it. after all, his mom had never lied to him. "thank you so much," a pause, his eyes fixing the ceiling "I miss you"

"I miss you, too, Noen," she said

and God the times she called him by his name were so rare. she was dead serious

after the call ended, he willed himself to get up and walk the short distance to the bathroom. he placed his palms on the sink top and looked up at his reflection in the mirror, determination etched across his soft features. he hated that face. green eyes too weird, the structure too feminine, skin too pale, he looked like a fucking doll.

"no!" he shouted at the person staring right back at him "not this time! you will fucking do this! you'll hold your head high, talk to people and have a great fucking time! you cannot let yourself sabotage the best days of your life!"

he looked once more into those deep eyes and even though they were almost swimming in tears he forced himself to smile "you'll love yourself. you'll be a better person"

it was fucking hard even to say those things. every single part of his mind was screaming at him. he didn't deserve it, all this love. he was supposed to hate himself. and it was so much easier to live like that. but he had to do this. for everybody he held dear. after summer was over he could go back to wallowing in pity, but right then and right there he _was_ going to be strong and suck it up.

"such a fucking pussy" he whispered once more at himself

the next thing he knew, the sound of a lock and a door opening echoed through the bathroom

"hello?" a voice asked. he knew damn well who it was "is anybody here?"

let all Hell break lose.


	3. Chapter 3

he took a deep breath. shit, all that confidence thing was going to be hard as _fuck_.

he poked his head out of the bathroom. "yeah, hi! I'm here"

Chase Hudson stood right in front of their closed door. he looked confused at first, but a pretty smile quickly formed on his cute lips. a little bit lower, his fingers from both hands were fidgeting with a loose string from his hoodie.

"hello, Noen," he said in a warm, but somehow still obnoxious tone

and he was grinning at him, blue eyes forming beautiful crescent moons, white teeth bared at him in a full-on grin. _'Fuck'_ , Noen cursed in his mind.

"Chase," he said now fully exiting the cramped out space and stepping into the bedroom "I'm so happy to finally meet you," he told him, extending his right hand

"yeah, me too, man" Chase chuckled and in exactly three long steps he was engulfing Noen in a full-on bear hug.

his hands dangled at his sides for a while. he really wasn't excepting so much affection from a guy who basically owned the world. but Noen really adored Chase and he wasn't going to miss out on the occasion. he wrapped his arms loosely around his neck, but the taller tightened his hold on Noen's waist, so the latter followed his lead.

they stood like that for a while in the middle of the room. his heart was beating strongly against his rib cage and they felt like knuckles knocking on a door. he wondered if Chase could feel it, too. but at that moment, he found serenity. he was safe.

***  
  


if looks could kill, Noen's body count would've probably been in the thousands. even though Chase knew for sure he was only attracted to women, he could not ignore the beautiful piece of art right in front of him.

they decided to unpack, and while they did so, they fell into a natural conversation

"my mom actually helped me paint my nails once" Noen chuckled with his eyebrows rose as his hands were busy folding pieces of clothing "and e _very single time_ she goes shopping she sends me pictures of different jewelries she finds. it's crazy"

Chase knew Noen wasn't one to keep a smile on his face for so long, but talking about his parents created some kind of aura around him. he looked dazzling

"I used to steal stuff from my sisters, but their rings only fitted on my pinkies," he said, casting his eyes down at his luggage, afraid that if he was going to stare for a second longer, that reality was going to shatter like a dream.

Noen offered him one last chuckle and headed for their shared lavatory.

his phone binged in his pocket. he whipped it out just to see Cynthia's name pop up. he smiled looking down at the screen. Cynthia was really pretty. maybe a bit young, but pretty nonetheless.

"Chase, do you want the top shelf or the bottom one?" Noen screamed at him from the bathroom.

he dropped the things in his hands and headed in his direction. before he could get there, a loud 'bang' resonated through the room followed by a muffled "motherfucker"

Chase hurried to get through the door. and right there in front of him was Noen, sitting on the cold tile floor, a soap somewhere in his close vicinity, different self-care essentials sitting in his lap

"I slipped" he whispered, embarrassed, as if he hadn't figured it out on his own "help?" he then asked using the same lowered town, eyebrows knitted together and a puppy look on his face.

his phone binged again. Noen pushed out his bottom lip in a pout.

Chase smiled at him and tried to call him an idiot through his gaze alone. Noen smiled back and grabbed Chase's extended arm. Cynthia could wait

***

after a while of putting their room together, they decided to film some tiktoks. Noen looked anxious at first as if that wasn't the sole reason for their presence there. despite that, as soon as they started shooting, he loosened up and became his normal fun self.no matter how he moved, Chase was sure the camera loved him. he looked captivating from every angle, so it didn't matter much what he was actually doing.

"you did not just do that!" Noen shouted at the top of his lungs after the audio finished. the song kept playing in the background as Chase gave him a tiny smile. the older grabbed the latter's phone from where it stood leaning against their bedroom window. he looked at the abomination they created again, eyes so wide Chase was afraid they were going to pop out. then he saw it again. the part where Chase poked his tongue out and started rolling his hips

"YUCK! no, Chase, you fucking asshole!" he screamed again, throwing the phone on the bed where it bounced twice before finally stopping. he covered his eyes with his palms then he rose them into his hairline and he pulled

no matter how many disgusted noises Noen was making, Chase couldn't stop laughing. he was running out of breath, palm clutching at his stomach as he leaned forward.

after a while, his laughter died down and he looked up at the older with a cheeky grin plastered on his lips. his face was still covered with his hands.

"come on, Noen! it was funny!" he said, still chuckling a bit

suddenly, the boy in question let his arms fall limp at his side. he fixed him with a serious gaze "you are a disgusting fuckboy" he said flatly

and at that moment, Chase felt his heart skip a beat. and not in a good way. he was afraid he actually ruined everything. even though he only knew Noen for a day, there was just... something about him. he couldn't really put his finger on it, but he knew he wanted to get to know him better. he was as pretty as a sculpture, funny and cheerful, but something was hiding there inside his eyes, the promise of something more than what was showing on the outside. there was a different version of Noen Eubanks locked away from curious eyes and Chase was dying to discover it.

but he couldn't do that if Noen found him repealing. God, what was he thinking?

"I'm joking, you giant-sized baby," Noen said after a few beats of silence. there was a goofy smile playing at his lips and even though his back was facing their only source of light, his eyes held a unique type of sparkle inside

"I-I fucking knew" he replied, but his voice came out as a whine.

two twin bings echoed in the small room. it was most likely a text from their group chat. Noen dove on the bed to check his phone and even though he knew it was wrong, Chase let his eyes travel over his laying form for a bit. he quickly shook his head to snap out of it. it wasn't okay to do stuff like that...

"Jaden texted. he said we should all gather in their room for a little celebration," Noen informed him

Chase grabbed his own phone to check it out. "we going, right?" he asked, eyes scanning over the messages

"I guess. it's the first night on tour after all. it's bound to be a little party" he replied

***

Chase was still in the bathroom, changing so Noen chose to sit in front of the big mirror in order to apply some of his make-up on. honestly, he loved doing that shit. it made him feel so... in control of his looks and even though people called him a "little girl" for doing so, he tried to shut those voices down. it was his face, after all. a new notification popped out on his screen

**Jaden Hossler [7.21 am]**

guys, Griffin bought a little surprise for us all

"Chase?" he called from his place on the carpet

the bathroom door quickly opened and Chase excited. he was wearing a pair of black ripped jeans and a purple hoodie. nothing too special, but Noen really thought he looked great. there were silver rings on almost each of his fingers and his nails were painted black. that was at least a little bit hot...

"the boys said Griffin had a surprise for us," he told him, looking up at the younger

"hm," Chase said as he shook his shoulders "I wonder what could that be" he continued as he moved to sit behind Noen, making eye contact through the mirror.

"I guess we'll have to find out," Noen said as he applied a little bit of blush on the tip of his nose

they stood in silence for a while, as Noen was struggling to get his eyeshadow right

"I love that you're doing this" Chase said, breaking the silence

"do what?" Noen asked, turning his middle around to be able to face him properly

and Chase smiled, those piercing blue eyes of his fixing his face. he felt dissected for a second, but then he sat down next to him and his numb fingers started to play with the carpet.

"I don't know. put on make-up. not care about gender norms and what others say about you" he told him, but he wouldn't dare look him in the eye. he looked crossed, as if something was on his mind, but he wasn't brave enough to voice it

Noen, let out a huff "I do care. I just try not to. I know it's better like that" he confessed as he cast his eyes back at their reflection

"how do you know it's better?" he asked, looking up at the mirror and connecting their gazes. something in Chase's head considered it was easier to look at Noen if it wasn't directly. the mirror created somewhat of a barrier between them and Chase felt less vulnerable

"I guess it's one of the few things that makes me happy" he offered with a small smile. Chase smiled back

***

booze, the surprise was fucking booze. none of them were of drinking age, but Griffin was 20 and through some bribing and sweet words he managed to get enough alcohol to drown a cat. at first, Noen was a bit reluctant, but as he saw everybody drinking, he willed himself to loosen up. he was one of the oldest people on tour and if Cynthia Parker, a 15 years old, could down a whole bottle of beer, then Noen could, too.

he drank booze before. once, at a party one of his friends dragged him to. he can't really remember much, but all in all, Noen thinks he actually had a good time.

he downed two shots: one when all of them arrived at the small party and another one when Chase practically begged him to do it with him. he did. he also downed a beer in one go because Anthony bet Jaden he couldn't do it. he had to defend his pride.at around 11.30 pm, Griffin pulled out a wine and said "for the ladies" and because Noen was so fucking drunk he yelled "fuck gender roles" and poured half of it down his throat.

Chase crossed his arms over his chest, rose his eyebrows and smiled amused. Noen grinned back, because how couldn't he and he extended the rest of the bottle towards him

"you gotta start somewhere" he told him when Chase leaned his head to the side(cute) like a confused puppy .

at this point, music was booming throughout their whole room and people were chatting in the background. Chase muttered something that sounded like "doing this fucking shit for you", but Noen really couldn't be sure.

what he was sure about was the emotion that bubbled up inside his belly when Chase started to cough after around 5 sips while also filpping Noen off. the latter laughed so hard he had to put a fist in his mouth to stop. he slung an arm around Chase's shoulders and gave him his most authentic smile. the younger was pouting, but he looked at him with the corner of his eye and he couldn't help the little pull at his lips. 

Noen slapped him on the back and strolled to where Chase Keith was dancing, joining him. because of the alcohol and all, Chase couldn't stop nor his lingering looks, neither the grin he sketched. it was because he was drunk. that's why he was so focused on Noen. yeah

***

they stumbled back into their room at about 1 am. it wasn't really that late, but Chase didn't want to have a hangover tomorrow morning. he was trying to be responsible, but it was really hard when Noen was clinging to him. at that point, the former had to basically carry him around, his whole weight (not like it was much) shifted towards Chase's body.

"but Cha-ase! I was dancing!" he whined right in his ear and he had to shush him because he didn't want to wake the whole hotel

"yeah, I noticed," he huffed, remembering the older actually slut dropping while on a table and then having a dance off with Cynthia. he almost won

he managed to swipe their card and get them inside. he threw Noen on the closest bed and then went inside the bathroom to wash his hands and get him water. Chase was drunk, too, don't get him wrong and now that Noen was safe he could finally act like it. his head hurt because of the effort he did to sober up. he put the glass in the older's hand and crashed on the other bed


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they fuck

his ears were fucking buzzing. the music they had was loud, and the silence in their room was too much compared to that.

"fuck, man, my ears hurt" Chase said from the other bed

"mine, too. I feel like it's because it's so quiet here" Noen responded.

they had similar positions, sitting across the bed with their feet dangling off the side and heads directed at eachother.

"how-how can it be because of the quiet?" the younger asked. he felt like an idiot, but it was really hard for his mind to work when it was so late and he drank so much

Noen let out a huff. "you know, this 'quietness' we talk about is actually a tricky concept" he started. he was playing with strands of his hair.

"how so?" chase asked, hands extended towards the ceiling as he started analyzing his fingers

"we learnt about it in science class. it was discovered that if you extract all air from a certain space, sound itself would cease to exist" he explained, and he was probably boring as fuck talking about school and shit. Noen always found those topics captivating, even if he had no desire to actually excel in those classes. the booze untied his tongue and now he found he couldn't control what left his mouth "there would be no forces, no energies and therefor sound wouldn't be able to travel from a place to another. no actual noise..." he trailed off

"it's hard to wrap your head around it" Chase commented "even when we say it's quiet, we still hear some things" he added

they stood in silence for a while. Noen felt like there was something the other wanted to say, but he couldn't really decide

"you know, I've read once about the idea of _deafening silence_." Chase finally spoke up "it was so weird to even think about it! _deafening silence_ " he let out a huff "there was an experiment once where they succeeded in creating a room impenetrable by sound, just like you say, but not quite. they put a human inside and they found out that no person could survive more than a few minutes there without going insane and begging them to let him out"

"huh" Noen said. he never really thought about that "why?"

Chase rose from his place and a moment later Noen felt the bed dip next to him. the youngest took a similar position, feet falling from the other side of the bed, head at the same level with his. heads and tails. Chase looked at him, and he did, too, but faced away quickly. they were way too close for his liking. and the intensity of his gaze was numbing. the younger grabbed his palm and placed it on his own heart. Noen felt Chase's heart beating under his hand. the latter's body was considerably warmed than his, he noticed then

"that's what they asked the person. he explained that he started to hear the blood running through his veins, the sound of his heart beating" Chase thread his fingers through his and with his thumb he tapped against the back oh his palm, following the rhythm of his heart "after a while, the same sound over and over again became deafening, scratching at his eardrum, but he started to hear something else, much, much louder"

Noen was actually intrigued. when he started this conversation, he expected Chase to huff and call him a fucking looser. the fact that he picked up where he left of and continued with some information of his own was so... interesting. it made him feel wanted, comfortable. as if somebody finally understood his every thought. he found the courage in himself to turn his head and connect his gaze with Chase's, who never stopped staring at him for a second.

"then what?" he asked and he found his voice barely above a whisper. it seemed like this moment he was living in was a fantasy that would shatter like glass if he spoke too loud

"he heard his thoughts. suddenly, it was like everything that was in his mind, every sound, projected into reality. he almost went mad. the regular ticking and a cage of his own making he couldn't escape from almost killed his brain" Chase whispered back and they were so close Noen could feel his breath on his lips, warm and enchanting.

"if I'd be stuck in my mind I'd beg for death to take me" he confessed, practically speaking into Chase's mouth.

he felt it like a tickle across his spine, a slight halt in his heartbeat, a catch in his breath. something colossal was about to go on. probably a mistake. it happened faster than he could intervent

a soft pair of lips pressed against his. nothing too much, a feather light touch. he opened his eyes, but he didn't even realized they were closed in the first place. he looked into those deep blue eyes of Chase's and saw something he never expected: a want so strong and so crushing Noen was sure if he didn't give it all to Chase right then, they would both die.

he pushed at Chase's shoulder to make him lay down on his back and without thinking twice, he crawled into his lap. Chase placed his hands on his narrow hips and Noen on his chest. he rose them slowly, tracing his collarbones, his neck and gingerly cupping his face. he closed his eyes and lowered himself. he let his lips hover over the other's for a second, feeling it - the drum roll that always preceded any kiss - drown his whole being. with his head empty of any thoughts he kissed Chase. first, with their mouths closed, getting to know each other's lips. Chase clutched his hips harder, the pressure setting his very nerve on fire. Noen nipped at his lower lip and he felt a tongue slowly licking at his top one, wondering.

he kissed him fully, then, tongues meeting in the middle, crashing against one another. and suddenly he felt something ignite inside of him, nips of fire dancing on his limbs. he was overcome with this numbing lust and all he wanted to do was take, take, take. he pushed his hips down, twisted his fingers in Chase's dark hair and lowered his mouth.

he started to grind down and kiss at the parts of his neck that were exposed. he didn't linger much on any area, moving his head from one side to another, suckling on his skin and then licking all over the marks he left. Chase let out dark sounds rumbling from deep inside his chest. He lowered his hands and gripped at Noen's ass, fondling with it. before he knew it, he was flipped over.

his back hit the soft bed, hands falling numbly at his side. Chase traced his fingers over the part of his abdomen that was exposed and went higher and higher, taking off his shirt with his slow caresses. Noen quickly discarded the article then pulled stubbornly at the hem of Chase's hoodie, trying to get the message through. the younger immediately understood, pulled it over his chest and threw it to the side. 

after they were both half naked, Chase cast his gaze downwards and let his eyes travel over the expense of uncovered skin, trying to commit that image to mind. he had never seen anything hotter. Noen saw how the other tried to eat him with his eyes only, and when their gazes connected he saw the insatiable hunger hidden behind those blue orbs. Chase's hands discovered each and every curve of Noen's body, and the contrast between his cold metal rings and the older's heated skin sent shivers running throughout all his body.

Chase grabbed his knees and spread them wide, settling between them. he lowered himself and let some of his weight fall on the other. then he grabbed hold of both of his hands which laid by each side of Noen's face, palms facing the ceiling. he intertwined their fingers and pushed them higher on the bed where they rested above his head. he kissed him again, with more purpose this time, teeth clashing together as he started to grind down on Noen's groin. the layers between them were thin enough to let them feel the friction. they both panted into the kiss.

they kept on making out until their lungs were empty. they parted for a moment, breathing against each other's mouth. 

"Chase" Noen shuddered through heaving breaths "pants. now!"

Chase placed another maddening kiss against his plush lips and made quick work of their zippers. in record time, they were naked, and without the fabric between them, their grinding felt even better. Noen let out a porn-worth whine, all high pitched and breathy. he didn't have half the mind to cover his mouth. Chase smiled and Noen felt it against his neck where the younger busied himself with making different marks. he loved to see them bloom various shades of red and purple. 

"fuck..." the younger moaned "more, I want more!" he begged

"say it and it's yours" he whispered, words vibrating against his skin. 

Chase lowered his hand, grabbed his cock and pulled

"fuck me" Noen said airily. Chase brought his gaze up and looked at him, demanding "please..." he let out 

there was no lube or anything around, but Chase remembered seeing some essential oils in their bathroom the first time he looked around. he got up and made his way there as quick as he could, and sure enough they were there, on the sink.

when he returned to the bed, he had to take a moment to admire the sight before him: Noen, with his blond hair sleeked back with sweat, arms extended above his head, legs spread and all naked panting and trashing around with want. Noen was the material of sinful dreams. he took his place back on top of him, slicked one of his fingers and wasted no time to prod it at his entrance. the boy underneath nodded his head, a clear sign to go. he got one inside and the look on his face was ethereal. he threw his head back, parading all those beautiful hickeys decorating his thin neck. he looked back down at Chase. his usual green eyes were widened with lust, the colored part a thin ring around his pupils. his cheeks were as red as an apple, forming an enchanting contrast with the porcelain color of his skin. 

the older threw an arm around his neck and sunk his short nails between his shoulderblades. he added another finger, scissoring him and Noen let out a grunt. not much time passed before another finger joined the others with ease.

"fucking put it in already!" Noen screamed at him. 

he followed his order and pushed inside slowly. he had to hold the other by the hips to stop him from moving around so much

"stay still, baby" he whispered lowly into his ear and Noen froze in his grip. 

once he was fully inside, he gave him little to no time to accommodate before pulling out almost completely then pushing in all at once.

the older moaned so high it was almost a scream, his other arm now lacing with the first behind his neck. he crossed his ankles at the small of his back and made an effort to push back down on Chase's cock. they fell in a natural rhythm, drowning in the constant push and pull and the sounds let out by the other. Chase licked all over his chest, higher on his collarbones then kissing him fiercely on the lips. they breathed against each other's mouth and Noen fisted a hand in Chase's brown curls

"I-I'm close" he whined 

Chase placed feather-light kisses against both his cheeks, on his forehead and the tip of his nose. he picked up his pace and moved around, trying to change the angle. he smiled when Noen let out an unfiltered scream of his name. he hit it. he thrust again and again, ramming against that same spot. 

"you can come, baby" he told Noen

the older tensed like a wire, tightening around his dick. Chase let his eyes close and his head fall on his chest as Noen came all over both their bellies. Chase pulled out, jacked himself two more times and came on the same spot the other did.

he fell next to his side. for a few moments, they both panted, staring up at the ceiling. he forced himself to get up. he walked to the bathroom to grab a wet cloth. when he returned, he found Noen soundly sleeping. he quickly cleaned them both and threw the cloth away. he made a move towards his bed, but a hand tightly grabbed his wrist. he looked back down at the other. his eyes were still closed, but his plush lips moved just slightly, forming the word "stay" as he scooted away, making room for him, too.

Chase got under the covers and as soon as his head hit the pillow he was out.


	5. Chapter 5

the moment he woke up he prayed to whatever God was up there he didn't. his head hurt like fucking Hell, his ears were pulsing. he opened his eyes. it was so fucking bright he had to quickly blink a few times to chase the last pieces of sleep away. the next thing he noticed was the fact that he clearly wasn't alone. he turned his head to the side only to find the face of an angle staring right back at him. his eyes were closed, eyelashes fanning prettily over his clear skin, his hair was a mess, certain curls falling over his face, his lips looked bitten and red, but there was a content smile on them.

why was Chase Hudson in his bed?

he gazed lower, bites and hickeys all over his neck. no. no, no, no, no. that was not happening to him! he lifted the covers and looked down at himself.

yeah, it was happening to him

he screamed so loud he was afraid the whole hotel would be up by then. in a frenzy on trying to put as much distance between them, he fell off the side of the bed, causing a loud boom to echo throughout their shared room. he pulled at his hair with his fingers, shaking his head repeatedly as if he could wake up from the nightmare he was living. the tears gathering in his eyes blurred his vision of the ceiling.

he fucked up so bad, he was terrified. it was hard for him to hear anything other than his own train of thoughts. deafening silence. Chase was going to hate him, everybody on tour was going to hate him, his mother was going to hate him, his-

"Noen?" a voice asked from somewhere above him.

he angrily whipped at his eyes, tried to force his hands from shaking and tears from falling

"y-yeah?" he asked, looking at the edge of the bed.

Chase's head was there, looking at him on the floor, hand clutching at the mattress.

"we had sex last night, right?" he asked and Noen tried to ignore the tone of abandon in his voice

"yeah.." he responded, finding himself unable of saying anything else.

"fuck..." and with that, the younger's head disappeared.

Noen hurried to get on his knees, placing his forearms on the bed and fixing the side of his face

"Chase, Chase I'm so fucking sorry, I was drunk, I didn't-"

"Noen," Chase said in a demanding voice "why are you fucking apologizing?" he asked, exasperated "I topped. I was the one who probably forced you to do something you didn't want to, I- God, I'm really sorry, Noen"

the older pocked Chase's shoulder with his finger. the latter looked him in the eye "you didn't force me to do anything, Chase"

he furrowed his eyebrows, looking confusedly at him. Noen let out a sigh

"look, it's fine. this doesn't have to change anything. you're straight, I'm straight. we were drunk and... we're just fucking teenagers. really, it's no biggie," he said, trying to convince himself more than Chase, even though he knew deep inside what it meant for him

"yeah..." Chase murmured, fixing the ceiling again "yeah, you're right!" he said, more determined this time.

Noen wanted to cry, wanted the Earth to open up and swallow him whole "great, then... I'm going to take a shower now"

he rose and headed for the bathroom, but before he could close the door behind him, his name was called

"Noen?"

"yeah?" he asked, poking his head back into the bedroom

"I-I don't really want it to be a one-time thing," Chase said, voice barely above a whisper

he felt his eyes widen and brows rise

"it's not like that, really. as you said, we're both straight, but... I liked it" he admitted

"that's-that's okay. I kind of liked it, too" he confessed, a small smile forming

they looked at each other for a while, only the sound of the AC being present in their room

"sooo, what now?" Chase asked

Noen closed his eyes, took a deep breath and sat down next to Chase on the bed. the latter rose and leaned back against the headboard

"how about friends with benefits? it's summer, we're on a tour where we don't really know anybody, it's okay to use this to blow off some steam" Noen proposed

Chase intertwined their gazes, fixing his beautiful blue eyes on him. Noen could basically see the little gears turning in his head

"it's a deal"

"cool" he agreed "we need some ground rules"

"okay... well, this stays between us" Chase proposed

"we _can_ have other relationships" Noen added, and inside he could feel his heart clutching

"last one... no feelings" the other said.

if you watched closely enough, you could pinpoint the exact moment all light disappeared from Noen's eyes. it wasn't like he was expecting something different... he rose his pinky finger and Chase grabbed it with his own

***

they fell into an easy rhythm. it was kind of awkward to have sex while they were sober, but that was just the first time, in the afternoon of the day following their little party. on the same night, it was already easier.

it was also a plus the fact that they just clicked so well. they got to know each other fast.

Chase knew Noen loved playing Minecraft, trying out different make-up looks and receiving kind words. he made sure to compliment him every single time he had the occasion. and Noen knew him pretty well, too. he was aware of the fact that he really liked dimming the lights and listening to R&B after a hot shower, knew his favorite color was purple and he loved it so much so he started to impulsively acquire multiple articles of that shade.

Chase loved his sisters, they rose him up more than anyone else. Noen loved his mom, he couldn't survive without her.

thing that checked out when they all went at a steak house and Noen stared at his food for 5 minutes straight, tightening his grip on his utensils until Chase noticed and offered to cut it for him. the older got so embarrassed, his cheeks looked like they caught on fire. no one else seemed to notice.

they were already at the end of their group, Payton walking between them, really emerging himself into the story he was telling, hands flying around excitedly. a soda can flew straight into his head exactly when he got to the climax (or so Noen thinks - that story had like four of them).

"hey!" the youngest chuckled as he ran to the middle of their small crowd, looking for the culprit.

they looked at one another and smiled. Noen pulled at the ends of his hoodie. actually, Chase's. he forgot an extra layer back at the hotel and after walking for a few minutes, chills started to travel on his forearms. he didn't want to say anything about it, Chase had already done enough for him that day, but he insisted. he paid so much attention to him lately, always sitting next to him on the bus, at restaurants, changing the subject when a topic he was uncomfortable with came up.

Noen felt unworthy of such treatment, but Chase always did it with a smile on his face.

"umm," he quietly said, playing with a strand of his now ridiculously long hair

the other looked at him with a questioning look

"I just- I really wanted to thank you for- for everything you did for me in these last few days," Noen told him, voice so quiet Chase had to come closer.

Chase let his mouth fall open a few times. he tried to form words, but his lips stopped working "I- what?"

"yeah, honestly. you took care of me a lot and I just wanted to say I'm so thankful, but you don't _have_ to do that," he continued, now already kind of rambling, because - fuck- he probably fucked up again "I can take care of myself..."

"Noen-" he tried to counter, but his body betrayed him again "okay, first off, you clearly can't"

Noen pouted and crossed his arms over his chest.

"you're such a big baby..." Chase admitted, shaking his head with a giant grin on his face. Noen punched him in annoyance "secondly, I'm not taking care of you or anything. Noen, I love spending time with you and being by your side every day. I'm just being myself around you, because that's what I want you to do when you're around me, too"

"oh..." he said, uncrossing his arms and fixing the cobblestone sidewalk they were on.

he supposed he was acting naturally around Chase. he just- he tried to show him the best version of Noen Eubanks that existed.

"whenever you feel I'm a little bit down, you talk about the most random shit or make stupid jokes! that's- that's more than I could ever ask for" Chase said, stopping in his tracks and facing him

"hey!" Noen whined, stopping, too, and looking at him "I did not go through the horrible experience that was high school to not share my fucking stories!" he tried to fight back, but he was smiling too brightly to add any real bite to it

it was already way past sundown and the whole city center was lit by these beautiful streetlights which cast their yellowish glow all over the almost empty streets. the rest of their group already went farther away.

"guy!" somebody yelled back at them "you coming, or what?!"

Chase waved his hand above his head then cupped his mouth "you go first, we'll catch up later!" he shouted back

and with that they were alone.

"wanna stay out for a late-night walk?" Chase then asked him, raising his eyebrows cheekily

he huffed "it's barely 8 pm. it's not that late"

regardless, they started their easy stroll across the city.

"I think I've gotten to the point where every time I encounter a minor problem, I dye my hair" Noen confessed worriedly

"I like it a lot, though. it's part of who you are" he responded

the older chuckled, surprised

"no, no, really. it's like 'Yeah, you know Noen, he has a dead rat on top of his head that changes color every few weeks. that one, the really pretty one'" Chase mocked

"was that a backhanded insult?" he asked, exasperated

Chase sometimes brought him to the edge of madness.

he laughed out loud "I would never" he tried to say, calming himself, placing a hand on his chest.

Noen painted his nails because they chipped. he was pretty proud of his work.

a small droplet fell on the tip of his nose. he rose his gaze to see thick grew clouds quickly blocking his view of the stars. soon, an infinity followed the first one and it was pouring down on them. they both stared at the sky in shook, fixed to the ground, then they looked at each other and chuckled

Chase hit him on the chest with the back of his palm "race you to the hotel" he shouted through the rain and took off

"you fucking cheater," Noen said, shaking his head

he followed quickly, chasing one another in the narrow streets of the city. as they neared a gadget shop, music started to fill their ears. it was a cheerful tune Noen couldn't exactly pinpoint, but at that moment, on the wet streets of an unknown place, it was the most beautiful song he ever heard. he stopped in his tracks and started to dance like crazy right then and there. in the middle of a sidewalk, cars passing by him and splashing him. he couldn't care less.

Chase looked back at him, stopped then walked towards him with a confused look on his face. as he started to hear the music, he smirked in disbelief.

"you big doofus" he yelled at him over the music.

Noen softly opened his eyes, the small smile never leaving his lips. _come on_ , he mouthed at him and he picked up his dancing where he left off. after a few seconds of just looking at him with his arms crossed, Chase sighed.

after all, there was no one around to see them. he started moving slowly, his feet first, then his hands and his whole body. soon, they were having a full dance battle. the music was intoxicating, but Chase thought nothing looked more beautiful than Noen's smiling face washed in the dim light of the streets, clothes clinging to his light form, water dripping from his blond hair and feet kicking at small puddles on the concrete floor. Chase was laughing before he knew it, doing 'the wave' his hands, repeating every Fortnite move he ever learned, cracking up each time Noen made that cute 'yuck' face.

he spread his arms wide and looked up at the sky, blinking quickly to chase the rain away. he spun in a circle and never in his entire fucking life had he felt so free. there was nothing to worry about, nobody stopping him from just... being.

Noen jumped on his back, snaked his hands around his neck and his feet around his waist, clinging like a koala.

"faster, Chase, faster" he shouted in his ear, so he spun faster.

his cute laugh echoed throughout his whole being. finally, he stopped when he felt like he was going to drop. he brought Noen in front of him and put him down. he buried his head in his chest and hugged him as tight as he could. Chase looked down at him as he carded his fingers through his damp locks.

his green eyes transformed into a beautiful amber color. he was truly breathtaking.

he grabbed his waist with one hand and cupped his cheek in the other, leaning down and kissing him right there, where everyone could see if they wanted to.

it didn't matter anymore. he was content. Noen kissed him back and licked over his bottom lip. they parted for a moment, looking at each other and it was clear what they both wanted.

Chase went out on the street to hail a cab as Noen stood on the sidewalk, waiting for him and fidgeting.

that night they didn't hurry. they stood there, in their entryway, kissing each other stupid and stopping just to chuckle. Chase softly laid Noen of the bed and took his wet clothes off piece by piece. he kissed all over his face, then lower on his chest, on every single rib that poked through his white skin, lower across his waistband. then, he buried his head between his thighs, kissing the plush skin with kindness, then ruthlessly sucking and biting at them.

he prepped him thoroughly, enjoying every single little whimper and gasp that escaped his lips, following each of them with a small press of lips against lips.

he entered him slowly then he crowded Noen in his arms, trying to feel as close to him as possible. when he made a grunt of discomfort, he didn't hesitate to whisper "I got you, you're doing great" over his skin.

Noen came first, like he usually did, but Chase wasn't far behind. he made a move to pull out, but Noen locked his legs around him

"are-are you sure?" he asked, concerned

"fucking positive" Noen let out with a breath.

Chase sunk his teeth where his neck met his shoulder to stop himself from screaming and he screwed his eyes shut.

he laid down next to Noen, who turned on the side to be able to look at him better. the older brushed his sweaty and wet strands from his forehead, detangling his curls with his fingers. Chase fell asleep in his embrace and as he looked down he realized something he hoped he never would.

he was hooked and it was already too late. it was more than a crush. now his heart belonged to the snoring boy in his arms.

shit, he fucked up


	6. Chapter 6

"wanna go out on our own today?" Chase asked as he exited the bathroom

the first half of the tour was about to end and although he missed his family very much, it became harder and harder for him to imagine a world Chase wasn't constantly part of.

"sure, what do you wanna do?" Noen answered

he was glad he got to spend a little extra time just with him. he rose from his place on the bed and headed for their closet, but a whine escaped his mouth when his weight fully leaned on both his feet. the small of his back ached like a fucking bitch. he tried not to cuss under his breath, but Chase noticed anyways, sneaky mother fucker.

"I had some walking planned, but I suppose that's out now," the younger said with a snicker

"shut the fuck up" Noen whined, trying to move around their room using as little steps as he could.

suddenly, the floor disappeared from beneath his feet and he yelled terrified. Chase threw him over his shoulder and ran around the room with him. Noen gripped his waist as hard as he could, scared shitless. the position was weird and he knew that any second, the other could drop him. he really didn't want to die.

"Chase! put me down!" he said as loud as he could and he realized later his voice sounded like one of a kitten.

"okay" the younger agreed and he disgracefully threw him on the bed, jumping next to him the next moment.

he tried to gather him in his arms, but Noen implanted his elbow in his stomach using as much power as he could. Chase wailed in pain, thrashing around the bed for a moment.

they discovered a few weeks prior to the fact that it was easier to have only one large bed instead of two small ones. after they fucked - which happened to be every night - neither one of them wanted to move to the other side of the room, so every time they changed locations, it became an unspoken agreement to join the beds. once, Chase even had the courage to ask the receptionist for a room with only one king-sized mattress.

he pushed Chase further away with his feet "that's what you get, you stupid bitch" he cursed as he tried to roll him to the other side, but with no success.

after the pain wore off, Chase grabbed Noen's wrists in his hands and pinned them above his head, then he got on top of him and proceeded to collapse right there. he hugged him as tight as he could, even as Noen pushed at his shoulders to detach him.

he let out a huff and gave up, tangling his fingers in his brown hair. they stood in silence for a few minutes.

"for real now, are you okay? did I actually hurt you?" he asked, worry vivid in his voice.

"no! of course, you didn't, you could never" Noen responded hurriedly

huh, what a weird concept to not enjoy every single weird Chase did to him.

Chase placed his palm on the center of Noen's chest then perched his chin on top of it, looking up at the other boy.

"Noen, I-" no matter how deeply he felt it, he couldn't say it. it was wrong

the older rose his eyebrows at him

"nothing, I'm just going to miss you, that's it!" Chase said, chickening out

"I'm going to miss you, too, silly," he told him with a big smile on his face.

Chase considered Noen's smiles were the most precious treasure existent. he was so fucking stupid and dysfunctional, it was all his fault. this- this thing going on between them, it wasn't and it would never be what Chase wanted it to. Noen could never... feel what he fucking felt. Noen was better than him.

"why don't we rent some skateboards?" Noen proposed

"that's actually a great idea"

***

"now, don't expect too much from me. I'm not that good" Noen said to him as they exited the shop.

Chase chose the other's board, a basic one with grey and green patterns, an almost perfect match for his eyes. he was pretty sure nothing could ever capture that same exact shade, it was just too... perfect.

he put his skate down on the ground and started to move around the parking lot, Noen following quickly behind.

"yo, yo, Noen, watch this," he said after he felt stable enough to try some tricks.

and of course, he had to fucking fail and fall square on his face. Noen laughed from deep within his belly, spinning in a circle around the place he fell.

"oh yeah, great, mister skateboarder" he mocked him, slowly clapping his hands

"oh, boo-hoo" Chase bit back, getting up and following the other out of the parking lot.

they visited the city and stopped for ice cream, but the place Chase heard about was closed. they went to a juice place and decided to sit down for a bit, filming so tiktoks.

Chase really enjoyed Noen's presence, it was the only time he could be himself. the older didn't judge him or label him or anything and he offered him the freedom to express his thoughts and feeling.

they left their boards locked to a light pole because apparently Noen though that was a brilliant idea and they continued their walk around town

"God, I hated high school with my whole being," the older said

Chase leaned his head to the side as he kept on sipping from his straw. Noen got the general idea of it

"I don't know, it was an... interesting period to say the least. people didn't really like me" he continued "but here's the catch: I had this massive crush on this guy from my geometry class, even though he was constantly picking on me"

Chase spat everything in his mouth so fast he almost choked.

"I know! it was fucking insane, I was so stupid" Noen said, completely oblivious to what actually caused that reaction

Noen... Noen liked guys, too. wait... Chase really had to rethink this whole shit

they walked in silence for a while, and the younger was so close to falling into that dark pit of his mind where it was hard to come back from. no, he wouldn't allow himself to do that. not when he was wasting precious time with him.

Noen stopped in his tracks and when Chase looked back he found him kneeling on the pavement, playing with a tiny dog. its owner looked down at the boy with the pet in his arms, shook his head then halted his motions.

"Chase, Chase, look how cute he is," the older said, scratching the dog behind his ears. both Noen and the animal turned their heads to him at the same time and at that moment he realized how much the boy actually reminded him of a puppy.

the sight of him like that, careless in the middle of the street with a stupidly wide smile on his face was enough to make his day.

***

Noen was already sound asleep in his arms. it was a long day of walking and skating around and it was pretty late when they got home, too. add their... nightly activities to the list and Chase was surprised he wasn't snoring by then, too.

he just... he couldn't really sleep when he was that restless.

he got out his phone and sent a text he was going to regret for the rest of his life

**Cynthia Parker**

**Chase Hudson [3.45 am]**

**hey, do you wanna hang out tmrw**

**Chase Hudson [3.45 am]**

**just the 2 of us**

***

they were walking down the corridor, and no matter how much he tried, Chase couldn't wipe that silly smile off of his face. not when Noen was walking with that cute limp and a matching pout

"we have to stop doing this on a daily" he groaned under his breath

Chase huffed "as if your horny ass could take that," he told him, casting his eyes downwards at the other as they continued their walk

"I fucking hate you sometimes," he said again, voice a small whisper as he crossed his arms over his chest.

as they turned a corner, they bumped into Jaden, whose face lightened up as soon as he saw them.

"hi, guys!" he said cheerfully

Chase though for a moment he looked like a puppy. somehow, something didn't sit right with him. he seemed... too excited. he felt like there were bad news coming

"so, Noen, d'you wanna hang out today?" and there it was.

"umm," the older said, looking up, searching for Chase's gaze

the younger looked at him lost. he couldn't say they had other plans because they didn't. Chase was supposed to meet Cynthia that day and it was the perfect opportunity to do it while abandoning Noen. he was supposed to be happy, yet he felt his stomach twisting and turning. Noen, going out with a guy that wasn't him, laughing and having a good time. that meant so many of Noen's smiles, laughs, pouts and jokes Chase was going to miss. he wanted to rip his head off just at the thought of it.

but he wasn't supposed to. it shouldn't have been like that, he shouldn't have given any fuck. after all, Noen was just a guy he just met who he happened to get along with. then why did death seemed like a better option than a day without him?

no, he was just being dramatic. that was his emotional trauma speaking, not him

"actually, Chase and I-" Noen started

"no, no, it's cool. you two go, I'll see who else is free" Chase said and at that moment he wanted to collapse on the ground and cry.

"o-okay" Noen agreed, throwing him one last smile before he got dragged away.

Chase stopped there, in the middle of the corridor and he forced himself no to clutch at his heart.

no, he decided. Noen was just a guy friend, nothing more, but Cynthia could be...

***

Jaden was the friend Noen dreamed of. he was caring and sweet and soft. they got along better than he could ever imagine. it was different than what he had with Chase, but it was so good.

Jaden was a fun person to be around. he stopped multiple times to window shop, dragged him into a thrift shop and _almost_ convinced him to try on a dress. Noen could be a stubborn person when he wanted to, but seeing Jaden walk out of that fitting room in a dress and then pretending to pose all around the shop was enough for him to consider the idea. he ended up not doing it, though, because the younger noticed the discomfort on his face and dropped it.

despite that, Noen laughed so hard he thought the was going to faint. and just like that, he had a smile plastered on his face the whole evening. when he stopped at a small shop near the street to goof around with some Minecraft inspired accessories, Jaden was the one who encouraged him to actually buy them. and he did: a backpack for him and a scarf for Chase.

Noen knew at that moment that Jaden was somebody he could count on. Jaden was going to accept him no matter what.

they stopped for some drinks and when the other smiled at him with whipped cream all over his face, Noen realized he would do anything in his power to keep him close.

they came back to the hotel, wide grins on their faces and hands full of bags containing stupid shit. Noen thought this day of pure happiness was enough to fuel him for an entire week of depression. he was wrong.

Chase was there, grabbing _her_ waist, kissing _her_ lips, pressing his body close to _hers_. and why wouldn't he? Cynthia was younger, shorter, thinner, prettier and most of all, Cynthia was a girl. she was somebody Chase could actually love. Noen wasn't. he was a distraction, a secret, a disappointment.

"hey, why don't we go upstairs?" Jaden asked him and he forced himself to look at him.

his cheerful smile had been replaced by a concerned one. his eyebrows ere pulled together, eyes full of genuine kindness.

he quickly nodded his head and begged himself not to tear up then and there.

"yo, I have to drop this stuff. meet you at yours in fifteen?" Noen asked and Jaden agreed.

he made a beeline for his room. as soon as he got inside, he let go off the bags, not giving a fuck about where they landed.

he fell to his knees in the middle of the bedroom and he couldn't hold it in anymore. tears ran down his face and he could feel their salty taste on his tongue. a tongue that just last night ran all over _his_ body, a body that was now somebody else's. no, Noen thought, correcting himself. no part of Chase ever belonged to him. he folded his spine forward, arms rising to embrace his body. he was alone, no one was there to soothe his pain. he wondered for a second if his heart was even beating anymore because his chest ached with so much pain he doubted it. his head started to spin and he suddenly felt that drink he had a few hours ago come up. he barely ate anything in the last few days. he was too afraid Chase was going to be even more disgusted of his body if he stayed that fucking ugly. he barely made it in time to puke the contents of his stomach in the toilet, but it didn't stop from churning and turning.

his body felt light, like an empty cassette. maybe he died... God, he hoped so. nobody would have to deal with this fucking shit anymore.

his phone buzzed against his thigh, the name 'mom' flashing on his screen like it was taunting him. he couldn't answer her like that, but if he didn't she would know something was wrong. he cleared his throat which was hoarse from the crying and vomiting and picked up the call with a shaky "hi, mom" fuck!

"oh, baby, what is it?" she asked immediately and her voice broke at the end

he was so fucking stupid for doing this to her

"nothing-nothing!" he stuttered. what good was he if he couldn't even get words out?

"Noen..." she scolded in a firm tone

he couldn't lie to her, he just simply couldn't. she was never going to forgive him

"mom, please, please, please, don't hate me" he begged her. he could make it if she lost her. the tears choked up. he couldn't lose her, too. it was his fault for being that fucked up

"honey, I could never!" she reassured him

"here it goes... mom, I'm in love with a guy" he confessed

the line went silent for a while and Noen almost stuffed his whole fist in his mouth not to whine like a little bitch

"okay..." his mom said "It doesn't matter to me, sweety, you'll always be my perfect little boy"

he let out a sigh through his nose.

"Noen, is it Chase you're talking about?" she then asked and Noen whimpered, tears running down his face

Chase, who had the most mesmerizing eyes, Chase, who made him feel right, Chase, who told him he was beautiful, Chase, who smiled sweetly at him every time he was sad, Chase who hugged him and kissed him, Chase who made him feel happy for once n his life.

Chase, who he was in love with.

Chase, who would never love him back.

"yeah..." he said before breaking down.

***

he entered Jaden's room after what felt like hours for him. he was still unsettled and ready to faint at the smallest move, but he tried to compose himself as much as possible.

"dude, I thought you wouldn't come back, what-" Jaden said as he smoothed his hands over his duvet, making his bed, his back turned to him. he stopped in his tracks when he turned around to look at him

"Noen, are you okay?" he asked, concerned, dropping the pillows in his hands

"what? yeah, no, I'm fine" he lied, cursing himself for being the blotchiest crier ever.

in two quick strides, Jaden was right there in front of him, spreading his arms as wide as they would go. before Noen could make another comment, he was engulfed in a giant hug. although he was taller than Jaden, he felt so small and safe in his arms. the older placed one hand at his nape and guided his head into the crook of his neck. they stood like that for a few moments, Jaden playing with his blond hair and Noen doing his best to not sniffle in his shirt. it was a lost cause.

"yo, Jaden we're out of con-" a new voice broke the silence around them

Noen rose his head from the other's shoulder to find Anthony sitting in front of their bathroom door, an empty box of condoms in his hand. at that point in his life, Noen wanted to scream so hard he fainted. he dug his palms into his hands and crouched down, trying to recollect himself. Jaden screeched as loud as he could as he launched his whole body towards Anthony, tackling him

"you fucking bastard didn't you heart the fucking door or the two of us talking?!" he yelled as he straddled the younger, punching weakly at his shoulder, a bright blush sitting high on his cheeks. Anthony put his hands up in front of his face, making every effort to stop Jaden from accidentally (or willingly) punching him in the face.

"I'm sorry! I was in the shower, I couldn't hear anything" Anthony apologized as the other calmed down, burying his head in his palms and placing them on Anthony's chest. the younger hugged his shoulders and let his head fall back on the carpet, fixing the ceiling

Noen watched the scene unfold in front of him through crooked fingers. nothing could be heard in the room for a while. Anthony turned his head to the side, looking at him

"I'm really sorry you had to witness this, Noen," he said, sincerely

honestly, he seemed like he was the type of guy that would try to please everyone, the glue that would hold them together through literal hell.

"it's fine, honestly," Noen told them as he sat on the ground, moving a bit to lean his back against the bed frame

Anthony looked down at the boy still hiding on top of him

"you heard that, you dramatic baby? everything's okay" he reassured Jaden

the other let out a groan that vibrated against his chest "of course Noen is saying that he is just being nice" he said, but the words came out muffled because of his position

Anthony sighed, letting his head fall back on the floor.

"it's not like we're all that different, either" Noen said under his breath. part of him hoped he heard, part of him didn't

he wasn't sure how Chase would react if he found out Noen snitched on them, especially regarding the fact that he was going out with Cynthia...

"what?" Anthony asked and Noen was sure he didn't actually hear a word he said

Jaden, though, he shot up like an arrow and crawled across the ground until he was kneeling right in front of him, grabbing his wrists and looking down into his eyes

"Noen, say that again, you horny mother fucker" he pleaded, brows pulled downwards

his eyes darted to the side to see Anthony rise into a sitting position, eyes fixed on them and interest dancing in his gaze. Chase was going to fucking kill him

"it's not like we're that different, either" he repeated, louder that time and Jaden screeched right into his ear as he plunged down to hug him tight against his chest.

Noen's desperate eyes searched Anthony's. he looked at him, trying to apologize through his gaze alone, but there was still a smile dancing at his lips.

he patted thrice against his back "Jaden, I can't breath" he whined

"oh, sorry," he said, pulling back, but still giving him the most radiant grin ever

he looked at him with stars in his eyes

"I love you guys so much," Jaden said, one hand still on his shoulder, watching him then darting his gaze back to Anthony who stood there and looked at him a little bit dumbfounded.

and honestly, Noen could've cried then and there. he has never met anybody in his life to express his emotions so raw and unguarded. it made him feel all fuzzy inside like Noen was worth the risk. he hung his head and let tears fall from his eyes. he was happy. Noen Eubanks was loved

***

his phone dinged once, twice, thrice. he pulled it out of his pocket and opened up the snaps from Jaden. he wondered what happened since he rarely texted one on one with the boy. his confusion was replaced by infatuation as soon as the videos started rolling. it showed Noen on the bed, rolling around on his stomach, face planted in the mattress as his body shook with light sobs, Anthony sitting on the floor next to him, holding one of his hands and awkwardly patting him on the back with a small smile as Jaden's obnoxious laugh filled the room. the oldest got into the shot and his teeth were barred in a giant grin

"dude, come get your fucking baby! he is bowling on our bed because I told him I loved him. now he won't stop crying!" he finally said through chuckled, followed by a few more seconds of Noen whining and then the video stopped

he couldn't stop himself from smiling, even though there was a hint of uneasiness coursing through his veins. it was so Noen to cry because of that. after all, the boy was just a cute little ball of soft, but he never really expressed his feelings. Chase thought about it and he hadn't heard Noen say to somebody how much they mattered to him. not even once. he never really noticed, because he didn't care. the boy could show affection through different forms of communication. for example, how he always stood close to Chase when he was uncomfortable because Chase made him feel safe, how he hugged him from the back when he caught his staring lost at the mirror. Noen cared with his actions.

then he thought Chase never told him he loved him, though the feeling was present somewhere inside of him. he just didn't want to make things weird, not that they would... yet Jaaden told him he loved him. that was making him feel all kinds of things, like the way his hairs stood up on his forearms and how his nape got kind of sweaty. he didn't like it one bit, he decided

"you love Noen?" Chase asked, snapping him back and trying to make it pass as a joke, even though his stomach was twisting and turning

not long passed and he got a new notification. he opened the video as quickly as possible. the phone was closer to the bed, then, and Noen finally rose his head. he stood with his chin on top of the mattress as he spaced out saying "Jaden loves me?" eyes fixed forward

then, they darted to the side, fixing on presumably Jaden's fast "Jaden loves me..." he repeated slowly, eyes finally clearing and a stupid smile on his face. he rose on his knees and went to hug him

"I love you, too, Jaden" Noen cooed as he rubbed his face against his shirt.

Anthony's surprised laugh and Jaden's amused one resonated through the speakers. the screen went black.

for the first time in a while, Chase really felt like dying. 


End file.
